An ode to the chicken bus

Bas

5 years ago

Nobody shouts. Nobody curses. The bus driver announces something in Spanish. My neighbor sighs. Again a breakdown. The driver’s assistant, in his early twenties but already in a slightly corpulent physical state, starts to sweat even heavier. Takes off his shirt and knows some serious work is ahead of him.

We are somewhere on the long road between Masaya and Esteli, in heartland Nicaragua. It should only be a one-hour drive to Tipitapa, where people told me to change onto another bus. But my current chicken bus doesn’t cooperate, obviously. So the driver and his assistant get out again, open the hood and start to repair the goddamn thing. Themselves.

Made in America

Because, of course, chicken buses aren’t made for Nicaraguan roads. They were built to take American kids from their homes to school and back. Once they have 150,000 miles or ten years of driving behind them, they are sold at auctions. And since decades that means they go to Central America, where they usually get a more powerful engine for the hills, and some nice crazy artwork.

Driving them is probably the quintessential Latino experience. It is a microcosm of life in these countries: Chaotic and overcrowded. A market on wheels, where street-sellers hop on and off to very vocally acclaim their products are the best in the world. You can get anything here, from drinks, sweets, chips, and cake to medication, bibles, computer cables and non-functioning memory cards (you only discover that when at home). Because, yeah, these yellow beasts also bring you from A to B.

Go with the flow

Before I went to Central America I had never heard of a chicken bus. So I was too scared to take one to make it over the Mexico-Guatemala border. But once you are in Guate, there really is no alternative. You just have to go with the flow. And once you have done it once, you know the drill and become confident you can master this trick again and again.
For all the virgin newbies who don’t know what to expect, here is the lowdown in my completely self-created ten rules for chicken bus travel:

You only pay in the bus, during the ride
Payment in cash, with the ayudante (assistant). Cards? Good joke!
They are cheap. For 2-3$ you can expect to be driven for hours on end
You can hop on and off everywhere
They are extremely slow (see previous point for explanation)
Try to hop on at a bus station (see later on), the buses can fill up quickly
Keep your luggage close to you, and use extra locks. Preferrably use carry-on luggage, my big backpack proved to be ridiculous (and you might pay for an extra seat)
Squeeze your ass. These things were made for children, and of course they cram the same amount of adults on those benches!
That’s why you should try to avoid the aisle seats, they are the short straw. Lots of overhanging body parts in those seats…
The direction of the bus is usually advertised on the bus. Or just ask. But assistants will throw themselves upon you once they see a potential customer, especially when a foreigner

Once you have mastered these basics, you will at least get from A to B. Sometime. If there are no malfunctions. My ride from Masaya to Esteli in the end took five hours for the around 100 miles. Including the two unplanned stops of course…

Surprises

But those are, of course, part of the charm. Even after weeks of chicken buses, you are always up for surprises. Esteli turned out to be the undisputed summit of my experiences. After first having made it through the mechanical malfunctionings on my way to the city, on the last day I managed to go into the wrong direction for an hour (my Spanish isn’t exactly world-class, and even if you ask the ayudantes to warn you when to get off, they usually forget).

Once I had finally made it on the right bus, hours later, I finally found out why these are called chicken buses. Upon arrival of the vehicle, everybody jumped inside at the front, back and from the top. The thing was absolutely crammed like a battery of chicken. And yes: Another explanation for the name is that live stock sometimes travels on the buses as well, but I never saw that happen. So I go for the overcrowding explanation 🙂

So are they always a joy? No. Are they always safe? No, and I am not only talking about traffic safety of course. But common sense will get you quite far. Are they crazy? Hell yeah, they put heavy luggage onto the roof whilst in motion! Are they mandatory for travellers? Absolutely. If you wanna feel like a local, travel like a local!